i woke to a random greeting card from my grandmother on the keyboard of my [ibook](http://flickr.com/photos/mesh/tags/ibook/). i opened it and it has a dog holding up a picture of a yellow smiley face. inside the card read "just thought you could use a smile." she also signed it with a closing that said: "I will pray something good will happen for you." if god was a word i understood, and i were privaleged enough to have one, i'd pray for something good to happen to me too. i'm not feeling sorry for myself about anything, but i would like like turn the tables a little bit. its a slight bit discouraging to be me. every one in a while i walk right into a hole in the ground. this is the result of people making me stop looking at the floor when i advanced forward. i lifted my head up and walked like the rest of you and all its proven to be is a fucking bunch of shit that would have otherwise seen if i were still my self-conscious self. no. that didn't fucking work either come to think of it.