work wasn't really all that bad to be honest. quite an interesting night, but when is it not at the truckstop. i suppose i forgot to mention yesterday that jamie, the princess of the building -- is officially preparing for Child #2. long story behind this whole jamie and sudden family-life she has, let me sum it up for you. February 2001 \-i'm going out with jamie. she is what i called a 'girlfriend'. March 2001 \-krista and i held true a promise we made to each other. together one day go to manhattan. we did. it waking to marilyn mansons "the reflecting god" over the brooklyn bridge i told krista i was going out with jamie. she was upset. apparently manhattan was her choice of places to let me know how she really felt about me. \-this manhattan trip was planned weeks, months, years before i knew even who jamie was. just so happened her annual random global tour with her mother landed on the same week i was going to manhattan. jamie goes to mexico with her mother. \-jamie cheats on me in mexico. \--i could have cheated on her in new york. \-i break up with jamie days after new york. \--i didn't know about the cheating yet. \-i started going out with sarah again \--krista and i don't speak for months after new york. \-jamie rebounds, pissed of hardcore i left her (via the internet - AOL instant messenger to be specific) \--jamie rebounds with a guy named mike and within a few months of new york jamie is pregnant. \-jamie engages mike, and i mean it how it LOOKS. \-jamie has a child. \-trouble @ home. \-jamie breaks it off with mike, wedding off. \-jamie fucks random men (as humans do). \-jamie finds new man. \-man asks for marriage. \-jamie agrees, but demands the man adopts the first child before marriage. \-he ¿AGREES? \-they marry \-he likes the kid. \-buts its not his \-he wants one \-round two... well that was longer than it needed to be, but basically what i'm trying to say is within the time i've broken up with her until now she's going on her second child, and has been engaged twice and has married once. krista was right, and many have been since when they say that I AM FICKLE. but jesus christ, that is what i think of when i hear fickle. what jamies up to, that is fickle. i can't believe in such a short time someone can choose to have TWO CHILDREN. its just beyond me. i was discussing the whole CF thing to brian (and i referenced the wikipedia article on childfree to him). and while this post initally was supposed to be something about work its evolved into something else. i'm just going to run with it. anyways, brian is basically all about kids in the long haul. i don't have a problem with it, because basically he knows that i'm not fucking babysitting. but i mean he can hear some of the stuff i say about children, and laugh compared to the "typical" reaction, which i don't even risk much. i keep most genuine articles of emotion folded deep within layers upon layers of bullshit that nobody in their right mind would like to try and sort out. i'm like a furry memory that clogs someones train of thought. but blah... brian can take what i say about my feelings on the choice not to have children, and not try to shove the idea that he will one day be a father up my ass. i don't like calling people who have kids breeders, because although its the perfect term for them its derogatory to me, and while most of the time i'm discussing parents and children in public its usually supposed to sound derogatory and have lots of vulgarity, i don't want to come off that way. you see the thing about me is, i don't like making many statements that seems to linger. while i do in my lonesome and with the company of those whom i hold the most dearly to my heart, i dont like the discussion. i like nothing more to contribute to a conversation. if someone next to me wants to tell the rest of the people there that grass is blue, and has all these "facts" to back it up, even if i know he is right i will just sit there and listen. its so much better that way. so back to breeders, i don't like using the term because it might cause someone to ask what i mean. this only goes into a deeper conversation and eventually the battle with the people who claim being childfree is selfish. i don't want that, because to me its basically as irrelevant as the racism. its trivial, but there are people who lives by such trivial matters. my uncle just came downstairs and had a morning cup of coffee. what you know about having your train of thought derailed. bashing bush tho, so its working out.