when i mentioned i was looking for a new craft to fill my open gaps of time, it was suggested that i was depressed. while this might just excused as common at work-banter-talk, the next day i saw a commercial for some drug for depression and it showed some guy sitting in his garage futsing with something or other and the voice-over said "have you lost interest in things that once drove your lifestyle? maybe its time you asked your doctor about our drugs" blah blah blah. while i do not think i'm depressed, i do want to find a new craft or whatnot to sooth the burning hole in my head that says i'm no longer creative enough as i once was. so last night my sister offered to show me up in the area of craft she is quite accelerated in; stained glass. i have to admit it isn't as tough as it may seem, but almost twice as tedious! when you get down to some small ass pieces that really does get to ride on your conscious a little bit. you want to give up, but once you get all your pieces cut, and you start to see it form, then motiviation runs high again. i got all my pieces cut for my first project, and have grinded one piece. then foiling, then soddering. the project is nothing more than a green circle with various simple shapes inside of it, but trust me for someone whos never tried their hand in anything of the sort, the challenge is there and enough to satisfy me! will i stay with stained glass? i am not sure, but i'd love nothing more than to have craft that was interesting enough to peple where i could make people things for Red Letter Days and those people would actually appreciate it. some of the things nicole has made me in the past, and has made for others has blown my mind and i would be speechless to even ponder the thought of me making something even half as good. but i did end up staying down there from about 19:00-21:00 and i got a lot of stuff done and have learned quite a bit that i did not know this time last week about stained glass. i can tell nicole got a little frusted with me, as i do when i'm explaining stuff about computers to people. to here its second nature, so when i'm pushing too hard on the glass when scoring it, you can see it bothers her a little bit and she doesn't want to say anything too harsh as to make me not want to do it anymore. exactly how i feel about computers when i try to explain something to someone. i just want them to understand it like i do, enjoy it like i do, and understand it like i do, and now that there is a whole lot more to be learned. but i really enjoyed our time together. i pledged i wouldn't do down there again and finish off my project until she is down there with me. as easy as i could grind those pieces that i have cut last night, i would just feel safer if i was down there with here doing it. she is my security blanket in regards to stained glass (amongst other things, but this isn't a life-story, and shes my sister!) <!--more slow down champ!-->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 time is slightly past nine. lenin just pooped all over his slate rock so i will take that as a notion that he has processed his food from yesterday and is ready for some more! ;-) i need to get lenin a ceramic heat emitter on the double. he's on that cold, as it is cold as hell outside. today, right now, its twenty-degrees outside. i almost wore shorts to work last night. holy shit twenty degrees has never felt so warm in my entire life! last wee we got down to NEGATIVE -18. that's fucking frigid if i ever heard of it. tell me global warming doesn't exist when wisconsin gets dick for snow and upstate new york gets ten-feet and california can't grow oranges. speaking of snow, we got a fresh two+ inches out there on the ground now as we speak. i suppose i will shovel that shit as soon as it stops but that doens't look like it will happen soon. i just hope that it says at this wonderful twenty+ degree weather so shoeveling later today wont be such a horrible, horrible pain in the ass. i should take a shower now. i still smell like a fucking dirty whore after prom-night. wouldn't kill me to put that to and end and start focusing on advancing my game in final fantasy xii a bit before i sleep today. i work alone tonight, and shouldn't really run the risk of not being on top of my game tonight, but really need to not give a fuck about that and focus on tomorrow night. i've got clearance to leave early from brian, so i can change, powerup and get to milwaukee, pick up krystal and get to the hopsital before seven-thirty. its a shame really that she has to come, because i know i could make it on time even if i drove starting at six. but when i got other people in the car i tend to respect life more and drive like a normal human being. when i'm alone tho, its anyones equal chance at death. i got fucking shit and places to go, get the fuck out my way. is that any kind of attitude to have? probably not, but i could really give a shit less. to me right now i'm not really alive. i will be born on march 1st, 2007. from that moment on my life is to take on a different set of actions and i plan to focus solely on nothing but the mirror theory. not to say that i'm not doing that now, but i really feel tied to the fucking wall with this court shit hanging over my head. i know i know i know i put myself into this situation and probably do not have any room to whine about otherwise, but mother fuck that this my livejournal i'll cry or whine about any little thing that i want to, that's the fucking purpose. i suppose i could go on about more, and into detail about things already spoke on. but i dont have the time, nor do i really think that my materialisation of thoughts have equaled to much of shit lately anyways. so i'm going to end it here and let you all know that i'm still the same old me. if you've been friends with me for however long you know by now that i'm not going to be reproducing, having children, adopting children, babysitting children, or having much of anything to do with anyone that is younger than legal drinking age. if you know that and you still talk to me, you let politics take a backseat to people who you assocate with. congratulations you have graduated college. however, if you want to take the card that says william parker the third isn't going to have children and you place that card into your "reasons i do not like this person" and you play it out in action when your in person, or better yet ON LIVEJOURNAL, i must say; i really thought i knew you. i really did. if you thought me not wanting children, and you having children was going to put up some kind of divider between our friendship aside from the one that said i wouldn't babysit for you, then why dont you pack your shit up and get the fuck out here and live your life somewhere else. i dont want nothing to do with you. if your going to let something like this get between what we cryed, yelled and sweat for, FOR YEARS then that's fucking just dandy with me. i understand your drive. if that truly IS the dividing line that will serperate us and you cannot live with that, i will live with knowing that i had a good friend for many years and it all ended the day you found out that i didn't think your child drooling on its bib was cute. fuck you asshole. i dont even fucking care anymore. your such a fucking mother fucker. you pick your old friends names out of hat that you havne't talked to in a while and you connect up with them. you have a good time, and when they leave you attack them for being who they are. while you had no complaints filling the same shoes while we were connected. FUCK YOU.