the whole world is eating girl scout cookies. how many girl scouts did you see selling cookies this year? do girls scouts even exist? i suppose they sell themselves. i woke up a little later than i wanted to last night. i am force fucking my sleep schedule back unto my life, starting today, hopefully that shit will work out for me. i forgot how much rushing around there is to do when i split the open eight between the before and after work, not all after. its all good, i just hope lenin will get used to it. someone heard me singing at work last night. we were dead. but i cannot help it. when i'm alone in the kitchen by myself, with only harlan -- we both give in to temptation and sing and act goofy. customer heard me yelling "FYYYUUURE" and stomping my feet to the lyrics of the song called "Fire" by the Ohio Players, the theme song for Hell's Kitchen. I'm so pumped about the new season. i feel normal when i anticipate television shows. when that show is on, brian and i usually get at each other about every little detail in the kitchen. **"you call yourself a cook?"**, **"you don't deserve to be wearing white!"** (we actually wear white at work too), and **"yes chef"** is common things heard at work when that show is on. even though its just a truckstop, and even tho its just a little game of ours. its still fun. when you can control flow of energy and make it work with getting things done; why not act a fool and run with it until your out of breathe? **why not, your getting paid the same if your happy or if your sad.** worked with jill last night. jill is the self-proclaimed "lazy waitress". she's been working there for over twenty-years. she still remembers her first day. jill has been called very nice and naughty and downright wrong thing you can imagine in her tenure at the truckstop. **truckstop**, not hard to imagine, no? she's actually worrying me a bit. i started to worry about her and feel for her when it was RLDx06. she wrote in a card she stuffed in my stocking that she looks at me and brian like her friends, like GIRL FRIENDS. i can tell you how her husband strategically tried to have an orgasm just before work, i can tell you what lubrication flavours jill prefers and i can tell you more about her husbands penis than he can! its like that, we are pretty close. so last night while smoking a zig-zag; she asked to use my phone. its after 11 o'clock. roads were shitty, he hadn't been home yet and usually he is home by 18:00. not a word, not a single word was spoken between them. i mean i really like thinking that krystal has a little faith in me, but i have to admit without even a text message that's quite a bit of time to not be speaking. (i remember when i didn't feel this way) she said she fears him cheating. said it's the second non-discussion-jill-came-to-work-without-talking-to-michael in the past two weeks. i had to step it up a bit. if i'm jills friend, and not her 'son' (which is the type of relationship you would otherwise feel in my shoes. jill is pertnear 7-8 years younger than my mother, so the default for me would be if we were close it would be in a mother-son type of way, not girlfriend type of way). i totally batted down her abstract, telling her i know how how it feels to look a screen for so long that the bottom of your eyes feels like there are airpockets between your skull and flesh (michael is a programmer), told her how he's at work doing that super overtime to buy you a nice set of diamonds. i sincerely hope that's what is going on. but if its not true, and he is cheating on her -- i cannot even imagine what the outcome would be. with so much on the line, why would someone risk that all for a tight squeeze that only lasts only a few seconds. there is of course the 'adrenaline rush' you can achieve from cheating. that billion-butterflies set loose throughout your body when you do something that your not supposed to be. i understand that feeling, and i really like it a lot. its a great feeling. its an addicting one too. however that simple emotion can be stimulated so many different ways why would cheating on your loved one intrigue someone? i get that feeling when i am running late for something. leave for work late one day, run late! don't suck on some other guys penis, or have sex with someone elses wife. its wrong. smoke a bowl and go talk to your elderly relatives. you'll feel like a kid again, doing stuff your not supposed to be doing -- live that rush don't live a lie. i'll hit michael once if i had the chance. sucker punch him when he ain't looking and hard poke his belly button (i heard that hurts). aside from that not much. harlan's last week of full time is this week. you don't know many people who work past retirment age, pushing over 50 hours a week (voluntarily). you gotta love those thick-skinned, take-NO-shit up-north farmers. without them this country would have been on its back a long fucking time ago. people like harlan look at people like me and wonder where his generation went wrong.