i document EVERYTHING. the only thing that's changed over time is that i document LESS and LESS mentally. its one of the best things GTD has taught me. to get things out of my head. so i'm not tired like the rest of this world cos they're minds are busy thinking about everything they think or they told someone they would do. i got that all written down --- i KNOW what i have to do. but i still do document a whole hell of a lot. LiveJournal in an ideal world would be my _catch-all_ location for all things textual, and digital. but i can't trust the world that much -- and half the things i say i dont really need or want feedback on, posting it and knowing its off my chest -- is soley enough. is that wrong? that mean i'm so antisocial that hitting SUBMIT or POST means the equivalent of talking with someone? the point is -- i'm tired of watering down myself. blanketing what i really want to say. i'm tired, and getting more and more angry as time goes on. i wish i could say that someone told me that is just part of growing up and that i'm getting mad and frustrated because life isn't as peachy as it is when your a nobody growing up. [Journler](http://journler.com/) IS my catch all. i didn't even know what it was when i got my mac, but its the first application i downloaded manually for my mac and its literlaly been running ever since. with a click i can put stuff [online](http://library.vanillatree.org/index.php?s=william) and all kinds of other stuff. i'm looking all that over. LJ has been a ghosttown, journler straight ANGRY, and many other outputs in my life seem to think i'm "not happy". what is this? my mother used to say my father had a timer in his head and when it started to buzz; nothing else matters. he NEEDED to find SOMEONE and be mad at them. i have my mothers emotions and i have my fathers actions. while on the other hand... my sister has my fathers emotions. and she has my mother's actions. i can control the wild animal that tries so god-damn hard to get out when my temper flares like the weather outside today. the only problem is when i do get flare up and just wanna burst -- this divides all my powers to focusing solely on keeping a beast contained. all other functions seem to shut off. its so hard to deal with everything sometimes.