shortly after punching in last night i was cooking two sandwiches to die for, for brian and myself. the best dam sndwidch you can imagine. alsmost done. cut them. soon as i pulled back the knife i **knew**. blood everywhere. i almost cut off my ring finger. so i rush to the bathroom, follow the blood trail. find mesh. i wrap it up, go back up front and get duct tape to put over it so i can still use my hand while cooking. visions turning gray. i rush to the cooler, which sits at about 35 degrees. fall to the ground, on my back, freezing cooler but i'm sweating bullets. thirty-five degrees and my glasses are steamed like i just walked out into 80 degree weather. covered in sweat, literally my shirt was **wet**. brian and laura saw it happen. i've had this happen before, i called thewm _episodes_ laura was so concerned i thought she would cry. eventually i drank some milk and finally recovered... took like two hours, literally before i could stand up and not wanna fall back down. laura and brian called it a panic attack. krystal said thats what they are too a while back. i can't believe something like this happened to me, got i just wanted to die. that feeling you get when your vision starts to go, is the worse ever. i can't type, i barely have a ring finger. hanging on by a thread, or vein... i wimpered like a ignoredf alley cat, called out for krystal, i remember that so vividly laying on my back reaching up for something to grab hold of so i knew where the centre of grsavity was _krystal where are you..._