Last night seemed so close to normal watching movies and eating Toppers pizza.  I can tell tho that her head isn't in it too much and she still have deep distaste for me.  I just wish I could undo all the things that I have done to her in the past.  There isn't any turning back now, I don't think there is much that I can do about it anymore.  She's invested into someone else, and there isn't anything you can do to change a persons heart. I don't want to set the world on fire, I just wanted to start a flame inside of her heart.  I have failed at that, and there isn't anything I can do to change it.  I just want to sort of crawl into a hole and shiver away into the darkness all alone, and not have to worry about who else I will ruin by being around.. I'm just having a really terrible last few days.  So sad, the state of all my affairs.