This morning was really rough. Wanted to start smashing Jack immediately upon waking. Strong urges. Falling asleep last night was nearly impossible. We went to see Nicole after work last night but hardly anything was discussed about the situation, but her, like my Mother didn't really have any idea what was going on. Dad is still pretty upset I imagine but there isn't much I can do about that. I get it tho he knew how much work it took to get here and he doesn't wanna see me fuck it all up. I honestly don't believe I have made it this far without fucking up. I can't believe some of the things Cara told me I did this past Monday night. I think about that shit every single day. And she had to experience that all sober. She'll remember that shit until the day I die and every moment after that. My Mother said it best when she said that if my love is strong enough for her then my desire to fuck up should evaporate. I think about that, I think about her children. I think about Lenin and her cats. I think about Grandma and Nicole. Mom and Dad. I think about all the things in the world that are worth more than being a destructive force in the world all fucked up on Jack Daniel's all the time. It's not fucking worth the price you pay in the long run.