I'm close to giving up on the weekends. Seems like it doesn't matter what the fuck goes down its just a matter of time before one of us looses our shit on the other.  I'm usually maxed out on stress from work and Cara stressed out to the max from a weeks worth of being a full-time Mother.  Friday night after work comes and both of us are yearning to spend just a few moments of alone time together and either myself or herself go ahead and say something that will change the course for the rest of the weekend.  Which is the ultimate fuck up the ass because we only have these two precious (not even full) days to enjoy each other in an unadulterated state.  It just seems to never work out that way. Last night was entirely my fault.  We get out of work, both starving and I was aiming to fire off some alfredo for something quick and easy.  Cara mentioned we should do the Roasted Sriracha Cauliflower Bites again with Peanut Dipping Sauce.  The last thing in the world I wanted to do is something that required that much work.  But that's what Cara wanted so that's what I decided to do.  I like to invision that these two days are all about her, because it's the only time she really gets to be "herself" without her kids around ― so if she wants Roasted Sriracha Cauliflower Bites with Peanut Dipping Sauce, I'm going to fucking make it. But that wasn't without talking shit tho of course as well.  I'm breaking down the cauliflower and Cara started prepping the ingredients for the peanut dipping sauce and I dropped a bomb that would change the rest of the night and more than likely the entire weekend as well.  "I can do it, sorry if I'm not moving fast enough." She stormed out of the room: 'Don't worry about it, I'm not hungry anymore.' Normally my asshole kicks in at this point.  She storms off to bed all pissed off and I'm not a fan of going to bed pissed off.  But what I normally do is anything but trying to resolve issues.  Typically I'd go into the bedroom or whatever room at the time and start poking the bear.  If someone wants to fight about shit, I don't typically do anything but egg them on and try to get under their skin.  I didn't last night; I just turned off the music and the lights and laid down in the cold room next to a drafty window. Wake up today later than usual, but a typical time for the weekend I suppose.  Cara is wiped out and probably enjoys sleeping in a little later than usual.  You could still feel the uneasiness in the air.  As if we never went to sleep and the lights just came on instead. We never seem to get to enjoy a weekend together.  These fantasies about a three day, two night escape with Cara seem almost silly to imagine at this point.  We can't seem to go that long without getting at each other and it is starting to grow tiring.  I really am a cancer, I think, sometimes, sent here to destroy the happiness of those that I hold nearest and dearest.  I feel like such a lowbie piece of shit all the time lately, and while I'm not sure what the solution may be for such an issue, I do know that my time here will be ran short as a result of lack of communication.  Unless that changes, but the future looks darker and darker with each passing day.  I feel as if my time on this beautiful ship is on it's last leg. After jotting these 600+ plus words down, I feel better.  I got all the stuff out that was on my mind.  I should have vocalized these sentences to Cara instead, but she's not trying to hear me out today.  So I'm going to keep my head down, say nothing and just move forward. _**Year34**_ is turning out to be as mediocre as the rest. Cara and her children have new neighbors moving in this morning as well.  Looks like a single Dad with a kid.  All brand new furniture so maybe it's a divorce type of situation.  Soon as I decided that the kid was the guy who I assume is moving in, I worried myself.  A single Dad with a kid probably has more to offer Cara and her Family than I do.  But that's just the jealously kicking.  Every time I see Cara's face I'm blown away that she _ever_ decided to waste her time getting to know me. I don't ever want anything to happen that would result in Cara leaving me. But mostly importantly, I want Cara to feel the exact same way.