So Cara goes off to bed and the original intention was that I was going to try and really focus on all this YouTube "let's make a channel" bullshit but it became too hard to focus on that. Took a shower, tried again. Nope. What's the problem? Work is the fucking problem. I think about the team dynamic that Cara and I had back at the Hill, and how that was so wonderful and amazing. How I thought between the two of us we could hold down a kitchen operation. Something like the Braising Pan? Probably not. The whole idea of the 'dream kitchen' to work in seem almost out of reach. Am I going to drive to the city to work for some trendy fucking place that may not exist in a few years? Probably not. Do I want to work in such a type of place anymore? I'm not sure I have an answer to that anymore. I'll say this much tho, whenever I start caring less and less about the kitchen, the easier the work becomes. You start to wonder over time if that is a personal issue or something else. Personal, because no matter where I have worked I always seems to think that things could be 'better' than they are. Over the years the amount I care about things have really gotten fucked alongside the way, because every place it seems that the Upper Echelons, the Head Mother Fuckers in Charge, the Management only seem to care about themselves and the money. Which you obviously should, but the things I've seen and read about in kitchens across the pond make me think that maybe this whole fucking country could give a shit about stuff.  The entire kitchen eating together in a proper meal fashion, like everyone pitching in and eating together.  Fuck me. **Fuck everything!** There is not a vape shop in Hartford. I would entertain the idea of starting one up (I even know where I would do it and how much the place costs) if I had friends in High Places. Lacking that luxury, I suppose I'm going to just have to keep pushing forward and hope something good pops up on the Horizon. Making something happen. IDK what landed me on this Google search results page but I had to copy and paste this into Evernote: > Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. ###### Related screenshot [](http://openpluto.com/william/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/Screenshot-from-2016-01-23-002002.png) Also on a more depressing note... [](http://openpluto.com/william/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/Screenshot-from-2016-01-23-023509.png)   _Good night._ The smell of her hair puts me out like a fucking light.