I don't know what I thought would happen. It is my fault I've found myself in this situation. I've gone and ruined quite possibly the greatest thing to have ever happened to me. Having it made clear that I'm not in her picture when she thinks of a house, really dampens my spirits. I was going to have the children talk with her soon but now I don't know if I'll ever have that conversation with her. I understand she thinks I was really going to avoid the money conversations. I wasn't going to but my words don't mean anything to her anymore. So now I'm just like a visitor again and in a few days she's going to be on me again for not being happy. I don't know how I'm supposed to allow myself to be all affectionate towards someone who really doesn't have much faith in me. I'm going to have to just start going to sleep when she does regardless of quality of the next day we can only hope I'll get used to it. I'm hating today but watching the second class citizens in Downton Abbey is inspirational to what I should focus on being.