I put this up on Facebook earlier tonight in response to Nicole basically telling me that I'm an ungrateful fuck, and most things I do are not well received by others.  I really wish you could turn comments off on the post because I do feel obligated to respond to them sometimes, but it'll be what it is.  Incoming blockquote: This of course may be completely irrelevant to anyone who doesn't communicate with me too often, but regardless this is something I feel obligated to say. > It's been made clear to me more than once this past week how my words and actions rub people the wrong way. It sounds silly, I know, but I've had this sort of issue my entire life and after talking to a few other people who are extraordinarily tall it seems to be a common theme. I'm not using my height to justify anything, moreso I'm just trying to explain things from my angle. So it seems my entire life those closest to me take what I say at face value and assume that I don't have time for other people's opinions or make people unwilling to share their thoughts and opinions. Please don't let that be how you take my words as, nothing in fact, that I say should be worth repeating or held as facts. > > The reality is quite simple, I'm one of the most unintelligent people I know. I never graduated high school, I've been arrested more times in my youth than many people will in their lifetimes. I've never made more than $13.00 at any job I've worked at, and where I did was 15 years ago. There are not enough fingers on a single hand to count the amount of drug addictions that I've struggled with over the years. I've spent the last two years of my life a raging alcoholic. I barely remember the details of the last two years of my life and when I hear about some absolutely bonkers story that someone tells me that I did, I just believe them because it probably happened. I'm mostly regarded as a liability, I don't friends and family that talk to me about their problems, I have people who talk to their friends and family about me, the problem. My exes don't live in Texas, they all live in Wisconsin and they all hate my guts, every single of one of them. I met a women, dated her, got married and divorced all before your parents or grandparents saw their 25th wedding anniversary. > > We all have different ways in which we cope with our stresses in life. Mine was hauling ass on my BMX, pedaling until my ACL felt like it was a rubber band heated in a microwave and my quad muscles ached in that lovely sort of burning sensation that begged for more punishment. That system of beautiful stress relief has been taken away from me. That's nobody's fault except my own, nobody held a gun to my head that Friday night and said "Come on, you got this" and forced me to practice Longboarding 101. But I did. > > Learning how to do basic things like walking or standing up is a very humbling experience. Being at the will of those closest to you for nearly every function is also a humbling experience. I'll never forget the things my family has done for me during those times. For a couple weeks there I had a setup in a single room and didn't have to leave the room for anything outside of the bathroom. > > Now that I hobble around with a cane, those feelings of being a caged animal become emboldened with each passing day. Wake up, open Evernote see what degree of motion you achieved yesterday and try and make it that far today. Drink coffee, watch Anderson Silva's recovery video when he shattered his leg, do exercises until the pain is too much. Eat a piece of bread, and then eat pain pills. Do exercises harder as soon as you feel pain pills kick in. Turn up the music so you don't have to hear the noises your making. Take a shower you sweaty, nasty pig. Stomach hurts, lay down and it will go away. Pass out until mid afternoon. Make coffee and go back to the top and do it all again. If exercises go late into the night, use headphones and large Bluetooth speaker in the garage or old bed comforter in the driveway. > > I get very excited about seeing people and doing real things since this all happened with my leg. I'm overbearing with my speech mostly because I'm just so excited to be interacting with people beyond their social media profiles. I didn't fall under some magical spell that suddenly absolves me of all the bad and horrible things I've done in my lifetime. I've never lost sight of who I am as a person. I've had all the time in the world one could ask for to come to grasp worth who I am. > > I know who I am, and I have decided to accept it and try and move forward. People who have reached the top of the mountain and those who have the bottom have one thing in common in regards to the future; there is only one direction to go from here. > > I've been staring at this draft of text for a few days now adding paragraphs here and there as the moments present themselves and soon I'm going to send it through Grammerly and ignore the errors that make my textual output my own, but if anyone makes it to the end of this, please don't take it any other way other than straight away. If you are ever in conversation with me in real life, or even on social media don't take my words as things that I hold deeply reserved and valued opinions on. Nobody's opinion should matter outside of your own and I never meant to behave in such as way that would make anyone feel any differently than that. > > That's enough seriousness for one day, I'm going to go back to cracking jokes and trying to bring smiles to your Facebook feeds once again. I've found it difficult to do lately with this looming feeling over my head that I've hopefully shed some light on. I appreciate each and every one of you, and I've learned alot from those around me than I give credit for and it's those little things in life that have helped shape the type of person I've always desired to be. > > I'm not saying this in a negative way, a sad way or with a heavy heart. I say it no other way than how it reads. Don't let what this freakishly tall, uneducated, addict-alcoholic, total piece of shit get under your skin. I'm no more relevant than anybody else in this world, I represent nothing and my opinions on anything should be outright disregarded. I have no experiences in life to help you on your path to enlightenment and my moral compass is transparent. I know who I am, and I sincerely apologize if I've ever made you feel like what I said mattered.