I can see where you're coming from. It took handfuls of relationships that failed and a marriage that lasted almost a decade and also failed for me to realize that it's not all these girls faults. For it was mine very much subscribed to the idea of keeping everything bottled up until it became too much and bled out always at the wrong time at the wrong place to the wrong people. I was also super talented at being a sales person for myself and sort of selling this idea of what it was going to be like and then almost instantly after the relationship started perhaps not instantly but after the shine wore off I would immediately fall back to my safe space of you have to read my mind now and I'm going to be very antisocial. It took me almost 30 years to realize that with just a little bit of effort everything becomes so much easier.