# Embracing What Has Been ```yaml title: Embracing What Has Been published_date: 2024-10-24 14:57 ``` --- The main underlying issue as to why I could never keep a blog public for too long, is because of my denial of how scatterbrained my mind is. My mind is all over the place, one-hundred percent of the time. It has been this way for as long as I can remember, and by this I mean I remember riding bicycles thru Menomonee Falls with my friends having this same thought back then. Why, whatever it was that I am doing is not what I am focused on in this moment. This not the genius type of scatterbrain that can be seen in people like Elon Musk or Steve Jobs (for those of us who are old enough to remember him). This is just unmolested, don't get down with BigPharma ADHD if I had to speculate. But I feel like we all have it, and it's only those who start taking drugs who really fall deep into it to the point that they will never escape. I knew a lot of people who had prescriptions to medications that treated ADHD growing up, and I also knew a lot of people who did cocaine after almost 15 years working in professional kitchens. There was a lot of overlap in the way these people reacted to the world. Marilyn Manson has a line in one of his songs: *"And we don't wanna live forever | And we know that suffering is so much better"* and that is how I have basically approached my mental health. This is also because I grew up in what I suppose could be called the last generation to be raised by a generation brought up on the F word being Feelings and not the one you're probably accustomed to. With age, I believe, that ability to achieve a natural humble nature is to take some really hard looks at yourself in the mirror. What are you actually doing right now? We are all wasting time, and wasting time in a big hurry. The conclusion of my last lap around the sun brought with it some pretty nifty gifts. Fear. All these years running from something. Trying to be something that I am not. On a truly personal level. Going with the flow, when turned up to maximum volume can set particular people like myself up for complete disaster. It creates a character who pushes out an environment where all feel welcome and nobody needs to feel like there are boundaries. And while this not inherently bad in and of itself, it does certainly become a full-time job to be the one who always listening and providing advice and a warm shoulder to cry on. All these years running from just embracing who I am. Denying what is right under the hood. Denying what is the natural fuel that motivates me to get after it everyday. Denying my opportunity the ability just to **Be**. Some things that are considered afflictions that could be altered by way of pharmaceutical drugs — things of a persons personality. That is to say their quirks that either scare people away or draw them in (at least initially) because it is seen as charming. I am cursed with soul-crushing binary thinking. Everything in my entire world is black or white. Hot or cold. On or off. This is made apparent in everything from my views of spirituality, my political positioning scores and the even the way I present myself in public. It is very difficult navigating thru a mostly gray world with a line of thinking such as this. But we make due. We have to. Life is always calling us. Lets go. Wisdom is knowing binary thinking works both ways. The knowledge lies behind our inability to find the courage to see things from the other side. Ⅲ --- <div class="afterword"> <p>✉️ <em><a href="mailto:[email protected]?subject={{ post_title }}">Reply by Email</a></em></p> </div>